No Guarantees as a Parent

Many years ago I was a volunteer police chaplain, I would go on ride-a-longs with police officers every 2 or 3 weeks. One call was regarding a father whose teenage daughter had run away. During the conversation, I gave the father the number of the “Tough love” organization. “Tough love” is a network of parent support groups for parents having difficulties with children. I had received the number from the parent of a rebellious teenager. While it didn’t help his own teenager turn around, it did help the father cope better.

A few months later we attended some meetings in Denver and heard Henry Blackaby speak. He is the author of the “Experiencing God” workbook.  He talked about his own prodigal son. He tried tough love and it didn’t work. He said His son  needed love and acceptance.

Probably the greatest need in those difficult situations is discernment.

Responding to rebellion is a challenge for any parent. My sister and I were very much on our own during our teenage years. Our parents were consumed with their own angst. We didn’t have too much to rebel against. My own fear bad consequences kept me out some potentially negative situations.

The greatest need in those difficult situations is expressing love in a discerning matter.

Sometimes  parents ‘rescue’ their children out of the consequences of their poor choices. The saddest funeral I ever conducted was for a 40 year old man whose parents always bailed him out of the consequences of his poor choices.  He never had to learn to be responsible. This ultimately hurt himself, his wife and children.

An older friend whose rebellious son many years ago did drugs was arrested. He called his mother and dad to bail him out. They let him stay in a jail for a few days. Those days of staring at gray bars and walls provided an impetus for a spiritual awakening in his life. If his parents had come to early, they might have truncated what the Lord was wanting to do in his life.

There are no guarantees in life. A parent can make all the right choices, a child still grow up to make a lifetime of poor decisions as an adult.

A former basketball coach said something memorable on the radio years ago about basketball that has a lot of application to parenting. He said that coaches get too much credit when the team is playing well. And they that they also too much blame when the team is playing poorly. That comment has direct application to parenting. A parent gets too much credit when the children do well and they get too much blame when the children do poorly.

We still must make the best choices that we can.